What Does Rethinking Religion Mean??

I used to say I didn't like religion. I think I said it because I thought it was trendy or cool or sounded like I was more aware than other people. Not really good reason. That was until I found out what religion is and means.

The word "religion" (from its original Latin roots) means to "reconnect with God". Of course by saying we are "reconnecting" we must have- at some point at least- been "disconnected". And that is a pretty accurate description about how I have felt about God... actually how a lot of people have felt about God over the years. Disconnected. Like no matter what they did they couldn't get back to a place they had never been but had always known as home- the embrace of a Father.

Christianity is the epitome of religion- of reconnecting with God. So the title of this site is quite apropos: we are asking people- both those far and near to the Father- to rethinking how/why/if they are connecting the way they best can, should, or want to.

So come. Rethink the reconnection. It's waiting.

Treating Christianity Like an Alcoholic

"The story of the laborers in the vineyard, for example, is about the owner, not the laborers; the prodigal son is not about the prodigal but about the Father."
- Robert Capon, 'Between Noon and Three', pg. 71

It has occurred to me recently that if I never "improve" as a person it does not matter to God. Well, not in the sense of salvation at any rate. As a follower of the Rabbi I often mentally pit myself against Pharisees and legalists and give them good verbal thrashing whenever possible (on my blog and not in real life).

Truly though the Pharisees were not bad people- in fact they were very good people. They were not (for the most part) hypocritical, they tithed as they should, properly observed the Sabbath, and feared God. We know they did these things by the context of historical documents. Their entire religious system was based upon ones' abilities to do, say, and think the correct thing so they must have done a pretty good job to be at the top of the class.

As we read the Torah, Old Testament, and New Testament we can also infer that prostitutes, tax collectors, pimps, and drunks were not misunderstood, well-intentioned-with-poor-results, misguided souls but genuinely bad people.

However, herein lies the rub: sometimes it is only the people who have hit rock bottom who know they- at the end of the day- control very little. In short, they know humility. In a way that only experience can know something.

When Jesus tells a story of a Pharisee and a tax collector praying in the temple and only the tax collector goes away justified before God, he is telling a story of humility and confession. Today it would be likened to the opening at an AA meeting; "Hello, my name is such-and-such and I am an alcoholic..." Not recovering, not healed, not gilding the lily but who you are at rock bottom.

God only works with rock-bottom cases. There is no place for pride or pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps because you aren't raising yourself from the dead now, are you?

Not long ago- and then I will rest- I heard a friend tell a joke: A pastor died and went to stand before the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "Okay, to get in you have to accumulate 100 points for everything you did in your life."

The pastor says, "Well, my wife and I supported a missionary family for 15 years."

"That's good," says St. Peter, "That'll be worth a point."

"You mean one point per year or one point all together?"

"Oh, just one point all together," replies St. Peter.

The pastor begins to get a bit nervous at this news and tries something else, "I worked in the church full-time for 25 years too." He waits.

St. Peter cocks and eyebrow and says, "Ooookkkkaaayyy.... I'll give you one point for that."

"Just ONE again??" The pastor asks, incredulously.

"Yes."

After another 3 hours of this the pastor only has 7.5 points and is really sweating. Just then, coincidentally, sees a member of his parish named Dave walking up. Dave had attended church about half the time because he ran a local grill and bar and had to open on many Sundays.

"Hey, Dave," the pastor mutters, depressed by the situation.

"Hey Pastor, hey St. Peter, how do I get in?" says Dave.

St. Peter hits a button and the gates roll back, and he says, "Just head on in."

In disbelief the pastor watches and asks, "How come he gets to go in? You didn't ask him about any points!"

"Oh, him?" St. Peter glances back, "He wasn't playing this game."

The hardest thing about Jesus is that he forgave us of all of our sins- past, present, and future- the moment we confessed. But daily, we have to "take up our cross and follow" and die to ourselves. Humble ourselves like a bunch of deadbeat, rock-bottom alcoholics and say, "Hello, my name is such-and-such and I am dead and my only life is living in resurrection of Jesus." We may not even get better (which rightly terrifies so many of us) and to demand it, to expect it, to place that as any type of salvation barometer is not the Gospel. That is why it is so wildly dangerous.

We cannot go back to our old bodies. Even if some actions appear the same it is our new selves- not the dead bodies we once lived in and for

Jesus Was a Terrible Moral Teacher

We have often wondered here about generic and pop culture Christianity and church... as anyone who has been within the church walls for any length of time does. You take the structure apart wondering at the validity, importance, features, and functions of each piece.

For the past several months I have held down a plethora of secular (non-religious jobs) and have been able to view both the church and Christianity as a whole from a a whole new lens. One argument/observation that has often been thrown out to me is that Christianity is a good moral system or that Christ was a good moral teacher. However, in a discussion last night with a friend the observation was made that Christianity is the worst of "moral" religion ever devised if that is true. It claims, nay, it EXPECTS people to be screwed up, unworthy, and furthermore incapable of ever being worthy of any type of eternal reward with a perfect God.

The only demand is that we are humble enough to admit we aren't perfect, never will be, and need our tab paid. Terrible moral system. The New Testament writer, Paul, even writes that "... all things are permitted but not everything is beneficial...". This is a far cry from what the Pharisees at the time, current Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, or Buddhism claims.

If we claim we (in and of ourselves) are sinless we then deny the work of the Jesus on the cross. This explains so much of why people find Jesus offensive, He claims that He alone can save us from ourselves and that we have to simply have faith in Him.

Get Over It

Grace comes at the highest of prices: you dying to the pride of being you.

"Go and sin boldly." -Martin Luther (to a legalistic friend)

Some Christians Don't Like Grace

My wife and I have been having a series of conversations revolving around grace. What does it mean? What does it look like? I have dear friends who have been raised in Christian traditions where they do not dance, smoke, drink, or even watch television and- on the other end of the spectrum- friends who claim Jesus wholeheartedly but love movies, smoke Marlboro's, drink beer, and have rough language. For the sake of space we will call the first group "legalists" and the second "liberals" (since both terms hold positive and negative connotations).

Legalists will claim that the liberals look no different than the "world" (i.e. those who are far from God); conversely, liberals will claim that legalists live neither either the grace of god, the love of people, or relevance to the world. Both make good points.

Of course, this is without muddying the water in regard to if someone is in spiritual leadership- should the expectations on them be different?

And all of this is, obviously, the dangerous and offensive idea/debate behind grace. In the book of Mark, chapter 12, verses 28-34 we see Jesus emphasize that the the greatest two commandments are that we should love our God wildly, passionately, and with abandon... and other people as we love ourselves. He says the entire law can be summed up in those two rules. Incredible. The Pharisees expanded God's Law from the Big Ten to the petty 700-ish. Jesus moves the opposite direction.

Martin Luther once stated that when grace is truly found two things run wild: virtue and vice. That is because grace is dangerous because of how much freedom it holds. You can literally do anything and God will still love you. If that scares us it is because it should.

The crux of the matter is how we are showing love not how we are exercising freedom. If we are following the Rabbi will we give up certain freedoms to better show love? Or will we embrace certain freedoms in order to better show love? Say no to one of those and we should ask if we are still following the only two rules given to us by the Rabbi.

I pray you now go in grace, in total freedom and love.

Pain then, if 1 could have faith in something greater than himself, might b a path to experiencing a meaning beyond the false gratification of personal comfort.

Hope You Are Nearing Bottom

My friend Kenny says that my heart for those who are far from God is sometimes a lot bigger than my heart for those who claim to know him... hence my complete and utter disdain for almost all things Thomas Kincaid, Focus on the Family, or the 700 Club. I've gotten better over the past years but I came to understand my almost subconscious draw towards these people: those who are nearer to bottom tend to be more honest about their mistakes and need for grace. Don't believe me? Check out AA... or any support group for those who have royally screwed up.

I'm not saying the church doesn't have these people but rather that those who acted like they had their stuff together seemed to speak louder and more often.

The thing I am saying is I have come to realize how many horrible things people walk around with daily, trying to cover it up in normal and abnormal behavior. Teenagers tend to be the most obvious, covering their awkwardness, small bellies, insecurities, etc. in outrageous clothing, body piercings, and off-the-beaten-path music.

It seems like so many in my life are hurting, lost, and near bottom. I guess the thing I have noticed is the truth in the words that Jesus spoke, "Blessed are the poor in spirit." ... because they are near bottom, have no more reason to put up a brave front, and therefore are more likely to depend on my [His] grace.

Let me just say that if you have a funky streak you should check out my friend Heath McNease. He lays down some incredible lyrics & beats.

Does anyone not wanting to start converstaions because you will have to end them? Not because of fear but because of the emotional energy required. Anyone?

Scared of Your Own Story

One of the best books I ever read was, "Boys Life"... except for one chapter. This one chapter has the main character growing imaginary wings and soaring over his town. In no way did it fit with the rest of the book, add to character development, or give the reader any personal insight. We will come back to that.

Life is about story: you are either part of one or merely an observer of others' stories. The realization of this reality seems be as inescapable as death- some see it very early whereas others waste their lives pages on pursuing filler chapters. I was reading after a friend of mine recently who- in an attempt to impress a girl- signed on to hike the Machu Picchu trail. He realized, somewhere in the midst of the pain of the hike (because it is one of the most difficult hikes you can do) that pain is what builds story.

No one watches movies about perfect lives. There might be a perfect ending but that's it. No one would watch a movie about girl who had millions of dollars, a fully functional family, went to church, was attending the finest schools, gave away thousands of dollars, had the truest of friends, and finally married the boy next door whose life was equally perfect. You know why of course. Those people don't exist. Life is painful but the joy of completing the journey or sections of it make the story worth reading.

If life is too comfortable it eventually feels meaningless, boring.

So the question becomes: will your story be intentional or unintentional? Will you live significantly in pain and relationship or hide in front of the TV, in a career you don't care about, always afraid of failing?

Back to that book with the meaningless chapter... I found out later the reason that chapter was even in the book was because the publisher at the time thought the book was too short and asked him to write another chapter. It struck me that many of us have chapters like that: we did something even though it didn't fit in our story or with our purpose because we felt like we should.

Let us never live chapters without meaning or be afraid of living stories for fear of pain. Without pain, there is no joy, without dark, no sunrise.

Taking the Knife Out of Your Back

One summer when I was in high school, my family and I were on vacation and decided to visit a church in the town where we were staying. At the end of the service, the pastor asked if anybody wanted to become a Christian. He said that people could repeat a prayer after him and become Christian. he said that people could repeat a prayer after him and become a Christian, right there at that moment in their seats. he said that if people repeated this prayer after him, they could be sure that when they died they would go to heaven and not hell. He then asked everybody to bow their heads and close their eyes, and he said the prayer, leaving space after each sentence for those who wanted to repeat the prayer after him. When he finished, he told everybody to keep their eyes closed and heads bowed. He then asked for the people who had prayed the prayer to raise their hands wherever they were seated. This way he would know who they were so he could pray for them. He said that nobody but him would be looking.

The pastor then said, "I see that hand over there. Thank you. I see that hand in the back. I see some young women in the front..." and he proceeded to acknowledge the hands that were going up all around the room.

During this entire time I had kept my eyes open and was watching the whole thing.

I didn't see any hands go up.

Several years ago my dad reminded me of that day. He told me he had his eyes open the whole time as well- only he was not watching for hands. He was watching me. He said that when he realized what was going on and that I was observing it all, he had this sick feeling that I would walk away from God and the church and faith forever. he said he kept thinking, "I've lost Rob, I've lost Rob..."

I am like you, I have seen plenty done in teh name of God that I'm sure God doesn't want anything to do with. I have lots of reasons for bailing on the whole thing.

I am also like you because I have a choice. To become bitter, cynical, jaded, and hard. Anybody can do that. A lot have.

Hatred is a powerful, unifying force. And there is a lot to be repulsed by.

Or, like you, I can choose to reclaim my innocence.

-Velvet Elvis p. 176-177

My wife is a wise woman. Years ago a pastor burned me badly- worse than this story- and I have carried an unhealed wound for years and, frankly, I had every right to do so. But it was not doing anyone, least of all myself, any good. Anyway, Sarah kindly pointed out that if I just let it go then it would stop owning me, frustrating me, and tainting me.

We probably won't have the wrong righted, nor watch the person get their dues, but it isn't about what God will do to them but what God will do in us if we let go.

I don't know much but this story just hit me really hard. I hope it brings some others' hope if they read it. It won't make things okay but at least you might know you aren't alone and there is another way.

Walking the Same Road as You

It's been a rough few months but I found hope in this quote by Rob Bell.

"It was in that abyss that I broke and got help... because it's only when you hit bottom and are desperate enough that things start to get better. This breakdown, of course, left me with all sorts of difficult decisions to make... and a new journey began, one that has been very, very painful.'

'... and very, very freeing.'

'It was during this period I learned I had a soul."

-Velvet Elvis, p. 105

You and I are walking roads paved by our own decisions and therefore, have no one to blame for anything. I happen to be in a hard time right now as I am 27 years old and trying to figure out what to do with my life. But you know what- I wouldn't trade my journey for a jump to the destination for anything.

The late and great Kurt Cobain, over-quoted as he is, said, "The sun is gone, but I have a light."

Evangelism is Too Expensive (Both Socially and Monetarily)

"... the mutation of solid church into heritage, refuge, and nostalgic communities has seriously decreased its ability to engage in genuine mission in 'liquid church'[the ability to contextualize Jesus by being culturally specific and relevant]." -Bauman

Recently, I was engaged in dialogue with a church that was moving forward in an exciting new chapter of their church life by starting a 2nd venue- with plans for more. They had done all the proper prep work: consulting with venue veterans, they had no debt (not even a mortgage), had savings, had read books, talked with local leaders, and began recruiting for staff needs... only to claim that they didn't feel, "God allowing them to (plant other churches) at this time", when it came time to pull the trigger with money.

How, when, and where is God against His message being carried out in new ways to new areas? Now hear me, I have, for years and on record, stated that I want NOTHING to do with church planting other than praying and providing funds... which sounds like a lady I heard proudly proclaim that she would pay for people to do missions work "for her" because she knew she was too much of a prima donna. We both sound stupid.

... or a denominational leader who claimed (off the record, of course) that this "church planting thing is only a fad".

The early church in Jerusalem was so isolated, so self-centered, that many scholars argue that God used persecution to cause a viral explosion of churches throughout the entire region. And, if we are to call ourselves "Christians"- a moniker that to proclaim 1800 years ago would have gotten you swift death- then we better start carrying that torch.

That means we stop proclaiming the need for community and engage in real and deep friendships that are awkward because we call each other out and are there for the their (and our own) tough times.

That means we stop talking about planting a church and gather our little group of 5-15 at a house/coffee shop/bar/park and talk about things of significance.

That means we stop living in debt so we can help those who are less fortunate.

That means we refuse to take Jesus lightly and actually read Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John and get to know this guy we are, allegedly, following.

But lets get back to churches before I go. If your church isn't really reaching out to its surrounding community, planting venues, living with each other, and planting new churches... what IS it doing?

Leonard Sweet said it this way, "The toast at the Jesus table is not 'Here's to us! [those already present]', but, 'Here's to those who aren't here,'."

It is our commission to go and find them, lovingly take them by the arm, by their hurt, and show them our Father. There is nothing else.

But maybe God is telling other people/churches that evangelism is just too darn expensive...

My Title

I am not a minute details person. It's not that I am unable to plan them out but rather that it is not the thing my head naturally trends to.

The reason I bring this up is because it is the reason I named this blog what I did and, amazingly, the thing that has rocked my world time and again. Life's all consuming question- as C.S. Lewis once wrote- is: what are you going to do with Christ? Oh, I know that His "followers" are legion but it seems that many are like football (or futbol) fans who proudly wear a team jersey and avidly follow the games and stats but at the end of the day have never been a part of that team or really even played that sport.

So many claim the title Christian but this is the time of year when you should ask yourself what that really means to you. If it means you go to a gathering once a week for one hour, throw the occasional $20 in the offering plate, and your kids are in the pageant then it may be time to re-asses the situation.

A friend of mine was talking with me last night and told me that his church canceled their Christmas Eve service. Before you get upset you should know that his church puts on a MASSIVE outreach to the community that, literally, draws tens of thousands but takes months of planning and runs over the course of weeks. I think they did their Christmas due.

However, on the heels of the news, several vitriolic emails found their way to my friend and his boss. Kindly, they responded to several of the authors (who signed only first names) and told them that their families would be spending Christmas Eve helping out a needy family. One man wrote back that, "that's the STUPIDEST idea I have ever heard."

Let's be fair, this guy had his church's Christmas Eve service canceled and the needy family was only concerned with eating and buying their kids presents. Obviously, the church is wrong (sarcasm heavily invoked).

But this story is only a microcosm of many's "Christian" life. We spend the whole year gossiping, over-eating, getting drunk, sleeping around, looking at pornography, and the only time we invoke the name of Jesus is to express our emotion as the guy in front of us just cut us off. We don't bother to visit those in prison, clothe the naked, feed the hungry, or love the unlovable- it would "cancel our Christmas Eve service"- and move us from complacent-jersey-wearing-bench-sitting to the grit, grim, and reality of the game.

Follow Jesus or don't follow Jesus. That is the Crux of the Matter.

The Perfect Job

I was turned down for a job. Don't get to upset on my behalf though because I applied as a joke.

The job was a the role of senior pastor in California at a church of 5,000. They were very polite and set me a nice letter with very professional letterhead saying that, darn it, they did not think I would be the appropriate fit for that role.

But it made me think back to a conversation I had with a friend of mine shortly after he graduated from his graduate work. He was searching for a church and discarding one position after another, citing- from time to time- some pretty trivial concerns. Finally, I piped up and told him to just take the job he felt was MOST right and quit whining.

This is applicable to any job but ministers may be the most guilty of it as they search for jobs and churches. We get ideas in our heads of how the church should be, how the people would be, the staff we would have, and the salaries we should make and then cannot understand either why those churches do not want to hire us or why we cannot find those churches.

What I shared with my friend on that day was that you are not ready for your ideal jobs when you are looking for it like that. This isn't to enter into some Eastern style thought of, "When you no longer seek you will find,"- at least intentionally- but to some degree it is true.

Early on in your career you are not ready for it. You cannot deal with the demands, the expectations, the patience, the staff issues, or even the money. You do not have the experience. You can be educated at all the right schools, have done all the right internships, and even have great connections but in the end that simply is not the issue. Oh, sure, there are rare exceptions.

In fact, you probably wouldn't even be able to choose your "perfect" job if every job in your field was open to you. You wouldn't know yourself well enough because- again- you don't have the experience.

For instance, early on in my career, I thought I wanted a Ph.D. in Theology so I could nitpick my denomination for various things. Looking back I must have been insane. What would possess me to think that 7 years of staring at books, attending classes, and then delving into the finer points of TULIP and Armenian thinking would really leave me feeling fulfilled?

I do not know where I am going next. Yet. I have some leads and (at least) one REALLY exciting possibility.

Maybe there is no perfect job though, maybe that is a fool's errand, maybe we need to stop looking and just enjoy where we are at and let God's will find us. It seems like the less I try and force God the more He does.

Twitter Redo

So I found I could make some setting adjustments in Twitter that were not available originally. So... if you like this blog you can now follow more frequent updates by subscribing to my Twitter account "DevinMRose". Thanks.

Running Down the Wrong Road to the Right Destination

Perspective counts for almost everything in life. Where you stand in proximity to a mountain makes it beautiful scenery or a terrifying climb.

During my countless exit interviews from the USMC OCS they plopped me in front of a colonel, a sergeant major, and numerous captains- all gathered in one room and then demanded to know if I was leaving simply because I was "homesick" or was there another reason. I told them I was leaving because of what I learned at OCS. The colonel said that no one had stated that reason before so he was intrigued.

I explained that early on in the cycle a first sergeant who resembled a hybrid of miniature bear and the hulk gave us a talk on finishing the things that we have started, not growing weary when others do wrong but to continue on- even in the face of failure. It occurred to me then that I had gotten out of the church for all the wrong reasons. I had left for lazy people who would not share their faith or live in true community, I had left for pious gossips, I had left for denominational bureaucracy... but I had never lost faith in the mission- I had only lost site of the important in the face of the immediate.

That is pretty easy to do for any of us I think. I just re-watched the movie "Orange County" (I know, its deep here folks) and really found myself identifying with the character of Collin Hanks who is trying to run away to college to fulfill his dream only to discover he is chasing it the wrong way.

Sometimes by chasing the wrong thing we end up discovering the right one... but I wouldn't recommend relying on that method.

What the Marines Taught Me About Me... and About Jesus

There are blogs that discuss matters and blogs that update others on the blogger's personal life like some one-way facebook... long ago I established this blog as an "idea place" not social networking site. That said, there has been an event that crossed into both of those worlds and instead of me re-telling the story countless times (I already have but this can reach those I haven't yet talked to) I am going to blog my account.

Some time, about 9-10 months ago, my wife and I were in discussion about where we wanted to go in life and what we wanted to do. For once I allowed her to talk first and she talked about places in the world she would like to visit and have our kids see. She wants to make great jewelry and take beautiful pictures. I asked her if me being a military officer could ever fit into those dreams and, shockingly, she told me it could.

Fast-forward past hundreds of discussions and a highly painful and personal surgery, approximately 800 pages of paperwork, dozens of interviews, 8-9 physical fitness tests with the local USMC officer recruiter, hundreds of phone calls, awkward family situations and discussions, and endless waiting ("hurry up and wait" has whole new personal meeting for me).

Finally, in late August I was selected by a board to attend United States Marine Corps Officer's Candidates School in Quantico, VA for 10 weeks and I was thrilled. So I officially resigned my position at the church I was working for and prepared for my journey. The last day of September my bags were packed and prepared and my family (plus one good friend) took me up to KCI airport for a family briefing and an overnight stay before we lifted off the next morning.

After dinner, my wife and kids came back to the hotel and held me close for awhile as I changed over into shorts and a tee-shirt I was taking with me. Then I walked them downstairs, loaded them into the Blazer, and tried to man up. Sarah and I hugged for a long time and I knew the longer it went on the harder it would be. With some trouble we let go and I made her promise not to cry until she got home, she nodded through misting eyes and I wondered how this would work. Talk is one thing, doing it is another. Israel sat in the back and as the car pulled away his little paw shot out and I heard him sobbing, "I want my daddy!" My resolve that this was the right thing, to provide, to follow this passion, started to crumble then.

The 727's wheels lifted up at 0647 on a cool October morning and none of the 10 candidates on board slept even though it was earlier than we all got up usually. We studied flashcards and swapped stories of OCS that we had heard through the recruiter or friends or the Internet. We landed at Ronald Reagan International and thought, "Here we go."

Over the next five days our resolve was tested as the Marines attempted to bore us to death through gear issuing and sitting on the most uncomfortable camp stools known to man, only able to read our Candidate Regulations. It was painful. Amazingly though, they did not take our cell phones yet and I was able to text and call, quietly, during that time.

Now, I have never experienced the phenomenon known as "home sickness". I was the child who cried about having to go back home and my wife and I have spent 2-3 weeks apart a couple of times due to various circumstances and trips in our marriage before. Ten weeks is awhile but we believed it would just be a stretch. Day 3 of the Death By Boredom phase and I began to understand how and why a deployment would be so incredibly and uniquely difficult. One night my wife, no doubt trying to give me a little slice of home, sent me a picture on my cell phone of my whole family and visiting grandparents. I buried my head in a blanket and silent tears slid freely down my cheeks (anybody in the military who says that they have not cried for home I would deem a liar).

The following Wednesday is known as "pick up" in military circles and involves you being turned over to your platoon staff. In my case, a staff sergeant, two gunnery sergeants, and a captain. This is where hell begins. There is lots of weeping and gnashing of teeth. You lose all of your civilian gear, your phone, you WILL talk in third person and speak only once you have asked for- and been granted- permission to speak... oh, and scream everything. Example:

"Good afternoon, Gunnery Sergeant!! Candidate Rose, requests permission to speak to platoon Sergeant, Gunnery Sergeant Arcentales!! Good afternoon, Gunnery Sergeant!!"

You learn "instantaneous, immediate obedience to orders" and moving with "speed and intensity". And there is no "adaption time"- you will fix yourself now. Really, all of this isn't too bad and the only bad thing is you lose your voice within the first week and sound like you have laryngitis. You get to know all of the guys in your platoon really well- though not through fireside chats or coffee- but based on how they sound off, what you hear third hand, how fast they adapt, how good of a fire team member they are, how well they march... basically, their general performance.

My wife, once I returned, wanted to know when I knew that I wasn't going to take the job. In a rare instance of self-awareness and self-realization, it was Training Day 2 after pick up. We were issued our M16-A4s. Don't get me wrong, I LOVED the rifle (okay, not after carrying it 12-16 hours for the first days) but it was putting together those "instant obedience" + "gettin' some" (military-ese for killing) that it occurred to me that one day they are going to point me in some direction and tell me to kill and I won't even question it... that killing would be WHY I got up in the morning.

I know, it is a necessity. I have more respect for the Marines now than I did joining. I just determined in that day that I was going to trade years away from my children and wife and all of those good memories to go and make really terrible ones. It is my choice. Maybe it makes me a coward to some. I don't really care about those opinions.

It was in these moments after my realization that I knew I was stuck for WEEKS on end with only letters to communicate. That I would have to pay the piper to some degree. That there was nothing I could do for the moment and that I may as well suck it up, put out, and spend some time in self-reflection while drilling for hours on end.

Pride got to me early on. I thought, "Great, I am going to go back and face two types of people: those who are disappointed in me for 'failing/quitting' and those who will always think, 'I/we told him so.'" ... and it is here that I have Marine training to thank. I have always been a fairly confident person but this choice was bothering me a lot- mainly in regard to others' reaction to my choice. But after the first 7-10 Training Days I stopped caring. This is not to say that I do not care about others but that disagreeing with people with confidence is a way of life in training. If you do not project confidence in decisions those instructors will eat you alive. It was a wonderfully freeing teaching.

In the weeks I had to think about my decisions and life I found two things that I will conclude with:

1. I cannot shut-up about this guy Jesus that I know. My last night in Quantico, with 5 guys gathered around my rack, I told them in verbiage that only other Marines would understand about who Jesus was and why He is the only thing that matters. This is who I am.

2. This was a pilgrimage for me. I do not regret going, though it has cost me. It answered questions I had that I did not even know I was asking. It taught me more than I ever thought I could learn in such a short period of time. It reminded me of what I am capable of. It showed me how little I need to survive. It showed me my priorities far better than reflective moments in a coffee shop ever could. I do not know if this will be my last pilgrimage but it was, ironically, 40 days long.

Notes for the church as a whole:
I. The Marines should not be the ones who claim "Ductus Exemplo" ("to lead by example") that should be Christians motto. As should, "We don't lie, cheat, or steal". We have gotten lazy in our example- no excuses.
II. Organization and Identification. Every Marine is a rifleman and knows his/her job within a fire team, squad, platoon, company, and battalion... why don't Christians know their most basic mission and act like it is important?
III. The lack of importance excuses have. A job/mission is either done or it is not, who care WHY it did not happen if it did not happen? Would it matter if lives were at stake?
IV. Professionalism is a must. The way you sit, stand, walk, talk, dress, and take care of your body in health and hygiene are reflective of your professional nature. Do not take it lightly.

If you have comments or questions please feel free to leave them or e-mail me. Words won't do any of the experience justice and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

HUGE thank-you to:
Gunnery Sgt. Arecentales, you have entered my Hall of Fame of influence. You did not tolerate mission failure, excuses, or attitude. I haven't been so angry at any person for a long time... and almost immediately realized that it was MY problem. You are a fine man, a great Marine, and this country owes more than it can repay for the countless fine officers you have produced.

Capt. Brian Olmstead for his time and work with me. I know you are disappointed but you have made your own mistakes. Still respect you to death.

Gunnery Sgts. Herron, Borreo, and Cruz. Wow, you still haunt my sleep but you taught me more about discipline than anyone I have encountered since my last butt-whooping by my own parents.

Staff Sgt. Nixon, thanks for showing me (by force) how to not show anger or die laughing when I really want to. You scare me and make me laugh a LOT. "Blame it on the Aa-a-a-a-co-hol!" Hahahahaha!

HUGE Jerk Award Goes To:
Gunnery Sgt. Hervey. Guess a number between 1 and 10... that's how many seconds you have to get to your table and sit down! Oh, you didn't make it either. Maybe we will bump into each other somewhere else, buddy.

Business As Usual

I was reading another blog today and as I read the author's most recent entry it struck me how much this Christian leader harped on success, business principles, over-coming personal hurdles, and the power of positive thinking.

When, do you suppose, that the church became a business? That we measured our success and effectiveness in by buildings, dollars, and personal achievements? Paul writes in his letters that all his "achievements" he considered "scoobalah" (the translation of which would offend my most sensitive readers)... so why are we running systems that propagate and celebrate this type of thing?

Jesus says that he had no place to lay his head, he was not welcome in his own hometown or even among his family for awhile, he gets thrown out of temple, and drives people away when he preaches... so, if we are supposed to be little Jesus' as "Christians" why does our brand look so different?

Now I have no problem with business and, am in fact, a Libertarian but business should be conducted in a wildly different way than being a messenger of God.

Religion and business have little to do with knowing Jesus.

One would wonder that if so many "Christian" and "church" leaders are spending so much time talking about their structures and ways of finding success it may because they have so little to say about a Man they do not know...