Friday, November 21, 2008

The City Walls of Dyin' Dreams

I read through some of my old posts on my old blog... which no longer exists. I was struck by how simply I viewed the world and people on a couple of years ago and it reminded me of that song by the Wallflowers when Jacob Dylan sings, "... man, I ain't changed but I know I ain't the same..."

I know I "ain't" the same.

Some days I feel like my scars define me more than I define me and I don't always want that but also don't know what to do about that.

Reading through books by Donald Miller and the Post Secret books I've come to see that humanity is great and small, has great hope but is often disappointed, they want the best but so often settle for something a lot less than what they had envisioned. Life got complicated for all of us the longer it went on and now we are here.

We were told that if we pursued our dreams hard enough they would come true but that was a lie... which is probably a good thing in some cases. We would not have really wanted everything our "dreams" would have brought with them.

For those of you who knew me years ago, if I ever offended you with my black-and-white stances, I apologize- I am not saying all my stances have changed only that other angles, perspectives, and complications are now in my purview and that I did not appreciate those things before.

This is a rambling post and that's okay: 1. It's hard to get back into it (blogging); 2. I just wanted to set up some of the canvas on which this blog would be painted.

The main thing is this: I have been forced to critical decisions that have deepened my appreciation of the cost of really walking out a faith in Jesus. It isn't easy. It hurts a lot to lay yourself down... and it has been absolutely worth it.

My prayers and wishes are with all of my friends, family, and readers that they will follow their personal convictions, listening to sound council, and most of all that they will have no fear of losing the things dearest to them because all of this is nothing in comparison to knowing the King.

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